Quad Damage;

I hate the person I am becoming, and I blame you for it.

Today I managed to sleep through what seemed like an earthquake, I woke up in a daze, I was in the lounge room passed out. But I clearly remember sleeping in my brothers bedroom.
I hate the fact I have no life, my life is pretty much partying and hanging with friends and gigs. That's all well and good in moderation, but I personally am more interested in doing something that'll benefit me in the long, going from pub to pub to club to club, it's getting boring. Why do I continuously do it? I need to get out. I suffocate if I am on my own for too long, but then I have anxiety attacks when I am around too many people. There's never a medium. I long for it.

I'm never happy these days, I put on this act to make my friends happy because I hate the "Are you okay?" and the "Nothing" because I know majority of you are just asking out of politeness, you actually couldn't give a flying fuck about what I'm going through right now. And that's cool, because I don't care about anyone's problems either. The guy you see smiling, dancing, drinking, having a good time, he's a fake. He's not Jake. He is this persona I created to keep my friends happy when I was actually down. I call him JJ DeVille. Everyone knows JJ DeVille, none of you know Jake. I'm living a lie and I'm okay with it.

I hate this cycle, I hate all of this.
And I probably hate you.